I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
