Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
