i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
