Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
