coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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