i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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