I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
