I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
