the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
