coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
