i was born a porn star she said
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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