Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
