Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize