Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
