So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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