Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
