i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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