the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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