Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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