put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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