I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
