My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
