remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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