I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
