I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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