where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
