threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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