I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize