remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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