I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
