i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize