that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
