Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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