He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
