my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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