my shit smells like andre
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
