so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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