I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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