1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
