Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
