You smell like a Billy Joel song
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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