I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
