All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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