you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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