i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
