whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
