if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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