you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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