i don't like sucking hair
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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