Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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