i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
