So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
