dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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