I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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