xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
