The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize