I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
