he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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