So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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