He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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