She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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