Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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