Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
