she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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