Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it because I queefed?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
