It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
