Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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