so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
