LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
